Aed jokes
A gay man enters a bar. At the counter, he sees a skinhead sitting, which he somehow finds cute. He gathers all his courage, goes to the skinhead and whispers to him, "Do you want a blowjob?"
The skinhead punches the gay man in the face with his fist, causing him to go down. Then he drags him outside into the parking lot and kicks him again with his boots before going back inside and sitting down at the counter.
"Man," says the bartender, "but you beat him up quite a bit! What did the man even say to you that you were so freaked out?"
"I don't know," replies the skinhead, "something about a job..."
What do you get when you cross a vegan and a burger fry-cook?
A shitty plant-based patty.
He: "Do you know you have a space in your uterus?"
She: "How can I resolve this?"
He: "Get a Cancer!"
A burglar breaks into a weapons engineer's house, hoping to loot the high-tech arsenal. Suddenly, the engineer yells from upstairs, "Hey! Stop right there!"
The burglar, trying to play tough, screams, "Hands up! I know you've got the goods! Open the armory or I'll shoot!"
The engineer, trembling, cries, "Okay, okay! Don't shoot! I'll give you everything, even my latest prototype!"
The burglar, eyes gleaming with greed, demands, "Prove it! Let me see this fancy new gun first!"
The engineer points to a target range. "It's a plasma blaster," he claims. "Go ahead, give it a shot."
The burglar aims at the bullseye, pulls the trigger, and—BANG!—the gun fires directly into his own chest.
As the thief collapses, the engineer cackles, "Surprise! It's not plasma; it's my new 'Reverse-Recoil Special,' specifically designed for uninvited guests!"
Oh, you need a lesbian joke?
Uhh... gimme a second....
Me???
What is brown and smelly? Is it a fart? Is it a carcass? Wrong, it's a dirty toilet.
I would build you a monument so that you would finally come up with clever thoughts.
I throw a flashbang in a room full of epileptics...
They were shaking in excitement!
My dad was such a good man. RIP, Osama bin Laden.
I have a crush on my sister!
I always enjoy family reunions.
It's always a good time meeting up with my exes.
Why does a brother love his sister?
Because he came in her.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
The weird moaning sounds when you try to slide in the back door.
Followed by slipping in Kentucky (KY) Jelly.
Followed by landing in deep shit.
Followed by being totally covered in sea men.
Yo mamma is so slutty, she uses a submarine as a dildo because it's long, hard, and filled with seamen.
What's the difference between ICE and ISIS?
One of them says their prayers five times a day.
I have a crush on a girl and both her parents are millionaires.
I guess that gives the term "Eat the rich" a whole new meaning.
What did the priest say to the other priest during baptism?
"We better clean our sex toys before we play with them."
How can you tell a woman's pussy is good?
You smell her fingers.
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
What is the best item at a Mexican Burger King?
Hopper Jr.