Aed jokes

How do you blind an Irish woman?

You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.

What is the definition of confusion?

Three blind lesbians in a fish market.

I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs.

I'll call it Downtown.

What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?

I've never been inside a submarine.

I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.

What do you call a guy with no body and nose?

No body nose

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?

He was a great veterinarian.

How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.

Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:

"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"

What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?

"Does this come with anything?"

If Charlie Kirk were a 5-year-old schoolkid being murdered, America would have moved on by now.

I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.

Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.

What do you call a group of people who are interested in Nintendo monkeys?

A Kongregation.

I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.

"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.

"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.

A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"

His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."

So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"

She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"

The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"

"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.

The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.

"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."

What do you call a drunk cat? A drunk cat.

An Abo walks into a pub with a seagull on his shoulder. The barman asks, "Where did you find that?" The seagull replied, "At the tip, mate, there are lots there."

It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!