Aed jokes
Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.
Can I tell you a cat joke?
Yes, 'cause it's purr-fect.
What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?
McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.
What does a nosey paper do?
It gets "Jalapeño" your face!
What makes a bird fly?
Bird food!
I was going to write a joke about my penis, but it was too lång and overused.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
You give them a Sandy Hook.
You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
I’m working on a good pun, but it makes no one laugh.
Why?
I don’t have a clue.
Why is the B so cool? Because it’s in between A and C.
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?
Cinco De Mayo.
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.
I don't have any now.
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
Can I get a glass of water? I will give you anything you ask.
Really, then give me a pond of water.
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.