Aed jokes
Why take a nap on the toilet?
Because it's a restroom.
Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.
I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.
What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?
Posiedown.
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
Have you tried eating a clock?
It's time-consuming!
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
What do you call a fish that can use a katana?
A salmon-rai.
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
How did Stephen Hawking become a billionaire?
He won the F1 Wheelchair race.
I was going to make a 9/11 joke, but I'm afraid it will crash and burn.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.
I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"
You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.
Why was it so hot in a square room? Because all the corners are 90 degrees.