Aed jokes
Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".
Why do pedophiles never cum first?
Because they like to cum in a little behind.
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
Q: What is the best Disney character?
A: Toe Mater.
Rules of Dark humor:
1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.
I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
- Sincerely, Zane
When you are playing Fortnite and you get a big W, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
What do you call a person who tries to get you on a dating website... a Brodie.
You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!
Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?
A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"
What is a school shooter's favorite animal?
A Desert Eagle.
What do you call a green camel?
My parents left me.
What happens when you cross a pig and karate?
A pork chop!
This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult, "I know the whole truth," they will be all weird. So he went home and told his mom, "I know the whole truth," and she gave him $20 and said to keep quiet.
Pleased, when his dad got home, he said, "I know the whole truth," and his dad gave him $40 and said, "Don't tell Mom." Really pleased, he met the mailman the next day and said, "I know the whole truth." Then the mailman got down on his knee, opened his arms, and said, "Come to daddy."
What do you call a cross between a priest and a child?
The cross shoved up the priest’s ass as he ‘downward dogs’ the kid.
Don't tell a Titanic joke, or you'll sink to a whole new low.
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."
The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?
F5