Aed jokes
How do you call somebody who has bought a Corona?
A Cor-owner.
When a person is thinking of a high number in Roblox
-smashes keyboard-
Steven Hawking's death, you should've gotten a case.
If Stephen Hawking was walking, they would have a hawk problem.
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
Roses are red, your penis is blue, the bed sheet has turned a different color, too.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off.
Okay, moving on, you took too long. How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply:* Idk how many)
3: Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply:* 3...)
Wrong, 4: Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
Why did Sully fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.
How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?
Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
I don’t make 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
A baby skunk's mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn't know what he is.
So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks, "What are you?" The baby bunny replies, "Well, I'm a baby bunny. What are you?" The baby skunk says, "Well, I don't know, am I a baby bunny too?"
The baby bunny says, "No, you're not a baby bunny." So the baby skunk asks, "Well, what am I then?"
The baby bunny replies, "Well, you're not exactly blank and you're not exactly white, so you must be Mexican."
What does a Jamaican guy say to an Asian?
Poke me, mon.
Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?
A feminist.
How many shades of gray does it take to make a dirty movie?
50.
So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"