Aed jokes
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
What is 6.9?
A beautiful thing ruined by a period.
Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?
Please take this down, it's not funny at all!
It's a joke, not a dick, so don't take it so hard!
If it is someone's birthday, say this for a joke:
"A long time ago in a far away galaxy...
YOU WERE BORN!"
What do you call an amazing goat?
A goat-zing.
What do you call a fantastic goat?
Goatastic! So funny please like.
Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!
Women, go chop some lumber!
White people, get back into the cotton fields!
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
A guy goes to the store to buy thyme.
When he got back to put the thyme away he realized he still had thyme left. This was all for nothing, it was just a big waste of your thyme.
This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.
He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.
This isn't a joke.
There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.
JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!
What's the difference between a mother and a pigeon?
One doesn't eat their husband out.
The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man.
You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"