Aed jokes
Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost?
Harlem, New York.
What do you call a swearing piece of shit?
Cus-turd.
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
- What do you call a bee who flew to United States? - "USB"
I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?
This is a Rickroll. The joke is that you thought you were going to get something else, but instead you got Rickrolled.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
How do you eat a meat?
You steak it in your mouth.
What did one pillow say to the other?
Nothing, meh, they just sang a song about a rogue chicken whose feathers had been sacrificed to make them.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
What did one tree say to the tree that was a bully? "LEAF me alone."
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.
Two Timetravers walk into a bar...
...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."
Q: Why did the family want to move out while the neighbors were playing tennis?
A: Because they were a racquet!
What did one skeleton say to the other?
Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"
Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)
Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."
Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"
Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?
Beets stain your teeth.
What’s the similarity between a penis and a lollipop?
Kids can take both.
What is a cow's favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!
This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.
Are you a nation leader or an email deleter?