Aed jokes
Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."
The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.
The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.
The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.
What do you call a best friend that smokes weed?
A pothead. Just because he's your friend, you don't have to support his poor decisions. Jeez, what has America come to?
Healthcare these days is a bit of an Obamanation.
What does a blondie and a shotgun have in common?
Give them a cock and they're ready to blow.
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.
Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?
Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.
Water to his Dad, Steam: Hi, Dad, I mist you!
Steam: double-you(w). aich(h). ay(a). tee(t)?
Q: How can you tell the sun is a boy?
A: It rises every morning.
What happens when water loses its bottom jaw?
It had a hurt o-chin (ocean)!
How do u catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way.
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You-neak up on it.
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.
So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!
What do you call a broken chicken?
A broken chicken.
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.
Doctor: I see your point!
What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!
[God creating a jellyfish]
God: How about an evil bag?
[God creating the parrot] OK, HOW ABOUT A TYE-DYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU?
[God creating sharks]
God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.
Angel: Seems excessive but ok.
God: And make them mean as hell.
Angel: WTF y.
God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.
Angel:...
God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.
Angel: Why do I still work for you?
God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.
Last night I slipped on a banana.
My friend said it was a-peeling!
Q: Why can't skeletons go to the dance?
A: He doesn't have the guts for it.