Aed jokes
What's harder than taking a shit?
Trying to take a shit while constipated!
Stephen could not click the "I'm not a robot" button, so I guess he is fucked.
Why did I walk across the road?
To get hit by a car.
I was baking a cake when I saw some egg shell in the mix. I said, "You've got to be yolking me!"
Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?
ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.
Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy," to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy."
Why did the dog cross the road?
It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.
Why can you never find a virgin cow on a field with no bulls for miles? Just ask the redneck farmer.
What happens when you cross a cow and a redneck?
The redneck fucks the cow.
I see some objects over there... oh, never mind, that's a woman.
I walked in a sushi bar, and the sushi chef looked very o-fish-all!
What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.
So, I got a paper towel roll, ripped it, but started to fart when I ripped it off, and stopped farting when I got it off the roll, and then I said, "I guess that's why it's called ripping one!"
A letter to all Math:
Dear Math,
Grow up and solve your own problems!
2x6= DO IT YOURSELF!!!!
A lumberjack goes to a person's house.
Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.
John saw a Gay in a wheelchair.
"I didn't know a man could be a fruit and a Vegetable!"
How do you plan a party in outer space?
You planet.
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
What do you call a bad pun?
The pun is not punny!
An old Indian was buried on the side of a hill. What did he say?
Nothing, he was dead.