Aed jokes

How to give a good hand job?

Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.

None of you ever touch my penis.

What's a current's favorite juice?

Black "current"!

This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?

"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

I'm made with depression and extra anxiety, then a side of gay and a sprinkle of emo.

Have a sink in your house? Eat it.

Have a mouse in your house? Kill it.

Have a child in your house? MICROWAVE IT.

...just kidding. Now watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5tjtUFL0j4

I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...

Where are you right now?

Looking at a fake joke? You are a waste of time and space.

So I walked into this bar and thought, "Wow, this is a dull joke."

I don't like jokes.

I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?

Transparent.

Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?

I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.

What do you call a magician with no magic? A dyslexic c**t.

If I make a summer camp for kids with concentration problems, will it be a "Concentration Camp"?

Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...

His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...

How old are you...? I don’t give a shit, stfu and get in ma van.

“NO NO NO”

I’ll give you some candy.

“Oh ok🤩”

Is crummy bears alright??

What do you call a person with one arm, one leg, one eye, and one ear?

ONESY.

“Hey dad, how do you kill a star?” - Give them drugs.

People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.

Your dick is so small it's the size of a tic tac. Oh, that's why your mom's breath was so fresh last night.