Aed jokes
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper.
How can you tell if a gay guy has a high sperm count?
Chew when you swallow!
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?
Because it’s a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.
Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A. A dino-snore.
Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?
A: It sends chills up their spine.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A tromboner.
The first windmill said to the second, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The second windmill said, "I'm a big metal fan!"
Two whales went to a bar.
The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
Jesus Christ does exist, he does, and he is the son of God... a God that doesn't exist XD
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
Q: What breed of dog is supposed to laugh at all of your jokes?
A: A Chihuahua.
So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.
He'll probably leave her alone now.
He doesn't eat vegetables.
What is the difference between a blond and a Nazi?
The blond survived.
My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...
I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.