Aed

Aed jokes

Sandwich

    • Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."

  • 6

    • Pineapple

    • Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

    None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.

  • 7

    • Boy

    • Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?

    He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.

  • 4

    • Millionaire

    • A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"

  • 0

    • Baby

    • What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?

    Stopping it with a shovel.

  • 3

    • Baby

    • What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

    Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

  • 3

    • Van

    • Man: Could you hold this for me?

    Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*

    Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!

    Rapist

    • Rapist: "Get into the fucking van!"

    Kid: "mi gniog ot tell ym momy"

    Rapist: "Fine" (Grabs a white kid instead)

  • 0

    • Woman

    • Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.

  • 0

    • Dad

    • My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.

    Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!

    Film

    • I heard they're making a film about Jimmy Savile, it's a very touchy subject.

    I heard the film about is so boring it puts you to sleep.

  • 0

    • Dog

    • My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

  • 2

    • Mom

    • A mom says to her son: "Hey, can you wave to that deaf kid over there?"

    The son: "I don't know, can I?"

    The mom: "May you?"

    The son: "No, I don't have any arms!"