Aed jokes
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.
They have to come out of the closet sometime.
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight, and 2021.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon....I'll let you know.
How do flat-earthers travel?
On a plane.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable!
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barber-queue.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? Because the ghosts bring all the boos.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.