Aed jokes
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
I ran into a dwarf and he said: "Well, I’m not Happy."
Then which one are you?
See you later, crocodile.
In a while, pedophile.
I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
Why does it take three women with PMS to screw in a lightbulb?
IT JUST DOES!!!!
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
What do you call a lazy piece of meat?
A meatloaf.
What do you call an iPhone put into a smoothie maker?--An Apple smoothie.
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.
What does a skeleton call their great-grandparents?
A fossil.
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!