Aed jokes
One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"
"My penis."
I made a website for orphans.
It has no home page.
Did you know Stephen Hawking died in a game? The game was Happy Wheels.
When your friend moves to Texas and she comes back a cowgirl.
YEEEHAWW!
If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?
The clock struck one!
Then down did come!
Hickory dickory doc
What am I?
Random- a mouse?
Me- no dumb shit!
Random- what is it?
Me- the guillotine!
Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!
When I'm bored, I text a random number, "I hid the body... now what?"
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"
What is the worst part of milking a cow?
The smell of the dairy air.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.
So a girl says to her ex, "I can't get you out of my mind, the boyfriend I knew." The girl replies, "I see you in everything, like when I'm walking down the street, even at work, like trash cans are everywhere."
What do you call a ghost's fart?
A spirit bomb.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
What do you call a cringey Indian man? A Cringian.
Sorry, the joke is bad :(