Aed jokes
What do you call a cow with stuff growing on it? Moscow.
Have you ever felt an earthquake? It’s not nature; it’s Brandan Bressler.
When fat people smash, it must feel like a huge submarine hitting you.
Have you ever met a kid who’s so fat that they can’t even be accepted to “My 600lb Life”? They need a higher-ranking one!
Your butt is so fat, I can remove 90% of beauty with a tissue.
What does a homeless man call his mother?
Useless.
What do you call a train that carries glue?
A glue-glue train!
Looks like he got stuck in a sticky situation.
If I was a cow and could dance, I'd bust some moooooves while I uddered some lyrics!
What do you call a short cow in tall grass? Udderly tickled :)
1st person: What do you call a blind pianist?
2nd person: What?
1st person: A pianist.
Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?
Early access.
My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.
One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"
"My penis."
I made a website for orphans.
It has no home page.
Did you know Stephen Hawking died in a game? The game was Happy Wheels.
When your friend moves to Texas and she comes back a cowgirl.
YEEEHAWW!
If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?