Aed jokes
I didn’t know what a class clown was till I went to a class and realized I was a class clown in kindergarten, and then I woke up from a nightmare.
A homey thing is a house, and a sticky thing is a stick.
One orphan said, "Daddy, chill." I was like, "You don't have a dad!"
If you are a robot, you cannot talk.
Friend: Hey, wanna play hide and seek? Me: Sure, I've got a great spot! Me: *grabs knife and runs to my closet*
I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
A delivery service called “Ross Deliveries” was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?
I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.
If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
You can't put an orphan on house arrest if there isn't a house to arrest them to.
Why did the boy put a chicken 🐔 in his garden?
He wanted to grow an eggplant. 😂
What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
We hired this boy to pick up dog poop. We just remembered that we don't have a dog.
A man walks into a bar and orders a stiff drink. I gave him a glass of ice.
What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?
Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.
Why did the toilet paper not make it across the street?
'Cause it got stuck in a pothole!
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.
Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"
Is your middle name Fancy Feast?
'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.