Aed jokes
Why can’t orphans get in trouble?
Because there’s no one to give a phone call home to.
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.
What do you call dolls in a line?
Barbie queuing.
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"
Why is a moon rock tastier than an Earth rock?
Because it’s a little meteor.
A priest is drowning in a river. A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that God will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent you three f***ing boats and you didn't take them!"
I told my sister a Dairy joke.
She said it was cheesy.
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
What does NASA stand for?
Not A Space Agency.
My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. 🤡
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
Q: What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
A: Leukemia.
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
What do you call a sick eagle?
Ill-eagle! 😂
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
This man walks into a bar and says, "How do I get service here?"
The assistant bar attendant tells him to take a seat as the bartender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes, the man says this is ridiculous, that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts, which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes go by, and the man then says, "OK, I get it, no service of beer, but free nuts," to which the assistant says, "Hell no, the game starts in 10 minutes." Everyone laughs and claps.