Advice jokes
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
If at first you don't succeed,
Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.
I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.
There's an old lady doing gardening every year. Nothing grows. She goes to the man who lives next door. She says, "How do you get your tomatoes so big and red?" He tells her, "You show them your privates at night time." So she leaves. That night later, she goes outside and shows the garden her privates. The next day she's got zucchinis a meter long!
I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.
Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
What did The Notorious B.I.G. say to the cow?
- MOO MONEY MOO PROBLEMS
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving more than once.
People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?
What do you say to the orphan?
"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"
What did the police say on the TV during 9/11?
"Call 911!"
My dad said I need to eat more. I don't know why, but his fat ass needs to stop eating.
Advice to the Clown telling all of the "Orphan Jokes":
If it's NOT "Funny", then DON'T POST IT!
Guy 2 whispering: Oh, I got tired of acting gay.
Guy 1: I heard you. Why are you acting gay?
Guy 2: To attract gays and then give them advice.
Guy 1: So what's your advice to me?
Guy 2: That I just know you're gay.
LOL xD
Where do fish keep their money?
In a riverbank!
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.
If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.