Actor

Actor jokes

Convention

What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...

We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...

Hairline

Your hairline goes so far back it looks like it got slapped back by Will Smith.

Knife

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

Die Hard

If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?

Thor

Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space. Does that make him an Australien?

Memes

Paul Walker

Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?

Why do you say that?

Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.

Jesus

"Jesus is the pioneer of Hollywood. He's still famous and my favorite idol."

Reincarnation

I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.

—Shane Richie, British actor

Egg

Why did George Clooney like egg jokes?

Because he had good taste.

Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris: "Chuck Norris doesn't fight, he just allows you to lose."

Me: "How come did you lose Return of the Dragon?"

Computer

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.

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  • Horse

    What's got 4 legs and is stronger than Superman?

    Christopher Reeve's horse.

    Flash

    Why does Ezra Miller’s Flash run in a straight line in The Flash movie? Bro ain’t straight.