Actor jokes

What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?

He can't drink and drive.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.

I'm glad I'm not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky.

what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? "snip-y ki yay motherfucker"

Warner Brothers have made a new Superman movie with Superman being black.

This new Superman's nickname is the "Man of Steel" but it's spelled s-t-e-a-l.

I asked the orphan if he wanted to watch all the Tom Holland Spider-Man movies with me, and he started crying.

Paul Walker died Fast and Furious.

Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.

I added Paul Walker on my Xbox, but all he does is sit on the dashboard.

Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?

He grew up a Florida Man, after all.

Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!

Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!

Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!

Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!

What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!

What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.

What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?

Christopher Reeve.

If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”

Actor 1: "I'm Michael with a b and I hate insects."

Actor 2: "Where's the b?"

Actor 1: "THERE'S A BEE???????????!!!!!!!!!!!????????!!!!!"

As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.

Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.

This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉

I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.

Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!