Worst Jokes Ever

What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."

I just got a job at the prison library.

It has its prose and cons.

The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft.

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.

I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.

We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.

Wanna hear some famous last words?

"We are just experiencing some turbulence."

So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.

Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."

And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"

Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"

What do you call a snail without a shell?

Dead.

How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?

They never get old.

How does the sea say hello?

It WAVES you.

SEA what I did there?

I'm SHORE you saw it.

Don't be SALTY!

I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.

What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?

Her miscarriage.

Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?

Really?

Well, the one I fucked did.

Whats the difference between NASA and religion

NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers

What’s twelve inches and white?

Nothing.

*funny joke about dicks*

I'm fucking retarded.

What's a rapist's favorite scale?

C Minor.

What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.

My favorite sex position is the JFK:

I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.