Worst Jokes Ever

Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.

You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.

A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven-year-olds.

The pedophile has a pair of 7's and three 4's in the river. He smiles and says, "Yay, I got me a full house!"

I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...

Allahu Akbar!

Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.

Then I realize, "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.

In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."

China has a population of a billion people. One billion.

That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.

We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.

Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?

For throwing out the W's.

Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as "The bomb" is not okay.

Bin Laden promised 76 virgins to Al-Qaeda.

Instead, there was one 76-year-old virgin.

When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.

A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."

Yo mama so dumb, she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.

What does PEMDAS stand for?

Please End My Depression And Suffering.

If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?

The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?

There's brains all over the place.

Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.