Worst Jokes Ever
To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son: Why?
Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.
My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?
The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
What is a terrorist's DJ name?
Osama Spin Laden.
Dropping beats like the Twin Towers.
What is black and white and red all over?
JFK
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
What do you call a bunch of Aboriginals rolling down a hill?
Abo-lanche.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"