Worst Jokes Ever

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?

And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?

Roses are red, I am very cool, You, on the other hand, Need to drown yourself in a pool.

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

What do you get when you mix a fly and a rabbit?

Bugs Bunny!

What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?

Drumsticks for everyone!

Using Pi, distract that fat kid next to you and copy his answers.

Do you want to hear a building joke?

I am still working on it.

And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"

Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."

Nope, should've gone to Specsavers.

Let me just remove my finger from your bottom.

Thank you, nurse!

Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.

We are all just suicidal kids telling other kids not to do it.

What do you call a nervous zucchini?

An edgy veggie.

Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.

Look! An ancient African city!

From the makers of Timbukone...