Worst Jokes Ever

I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."

If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”

What did the nose say to the finger?

"Stop picking me!"

Why can't blind people fish?

Because it was "see food."

Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"

Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"

Why can’t an orphan play baseball?

They don’t know where home is.

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Kids won't eat the broccoli.

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Kids won't eat the broccoli.

If you ever had your nipple ripped off by a possum, you might be a redneck...

What did the pig say when he was in the sun?

I'm bacon.

Pickled carrots.

I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.

What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?

A small medium at large.

Your legs are just like Oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat what's in between.

What do you call a Jedi teacher who lives in a forest?

Obi-Wan Canopy

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

I went to the dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.

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Why do they call priests "father?" Because it's too suspicious to call him "daddy!"