Why do orphans like water?
Cuz they drink it ;)
Random Kid: Aye man where was Kobe flying to?
Launch Site: Umm, he might have gone too close to here, sorry if he might have crashed...
What do depression and suicide have in common?
Nothing, they're both hanging.
Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."
So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.
Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."
At school I am always called emo.
Little did they know that emos are wannabe goths.
Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?
A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.
Person: What's your perfect date look like?
Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.
Q: I have a fish that can breakdance! A: Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time?
Because Paul Walker crashed into it.
A young teen was walking home from school and having a nice day.
She gets home, eats, showers, and heads to her room. The young teen hears her mother say something. Not sure what she said, the girl replies with "ok."
The young teen was gonna head to bed, wondering when her mom was gonna come in and say goodnight. She lays in bed, but then she hears her mom's voice say, "Hunny, I'm home." She doesn't bother to say ok.
Later, when she decides to sleep, she gets a message from her mom saying to unlock the door, that she lost her keys. :)
Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.
Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?
They would hang themselves like ornaments.
Dad?
Anyone know about the war? It's not Russia we should hate, it's Putin that we should. 🙄🤪💅
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂