Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
Worst Jokes Ever
I finally stopped drinking for good.
Now I purely drink for evil.
Are you a school? Cause I wanna shoot some kids inside of you.
How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.
Why did the orphan fall out of a tree?
They thought their parents would catch them.
What do you call an orphan with parents?
I don't know... what?
Kidnapped. :)
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
What is an emo's favorite game?
Hangman.
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
Why did UK want Northern Ireland for more s***?
Why did Russia put war on Ukraine for more nuts?
How do planets have a baby?
They have spasex.
I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!
Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
Your mum's foreheads.
What's the difference between an orphan and a flower?
The flowers actually get picked.
An orphan thinks he finally sees his mom, but then he realizes it's air.
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.
Titanic: And I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!
