Worst Jokes Ever

Why can't an orphan have an iPad?

They can't find the home button.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.

... It was a bittersweet victory.

It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.

He was a great vet.

During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.

I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.

Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”

My friend was the only one who laughed.

Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.

BLM = Bang local MILFs.

BLM be like black lives matter everyone in this chat :). BLM= Bang Local MLFS.

Anakin Skywalker: I don't like sand.

*also him*

Anakin Skywalker: I lived on sand.

Yo, if Russia comes to the USA, just know their reboot cards don't expire.

I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."

Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"

If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.

What do gay people call fighting? It can't be beef, so...

Carrots?

Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

Did you know that chips taste like the baked potato in things called bags of chips?

Is anyone else on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop?

What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?

He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.

So skinny you have to run around in the shower to get wet.

I did just see a blind person trying to f*ck a dog.

Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!