Worst Jokes Ever

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.

The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.

The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.

"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.

The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."

I wasn't planning on going on a run, but those cops showed up out of nowhere.

What goes down but not up?

An emo.

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.

"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.

I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"

I'm always hanging in there.

Hanging on the wall.

Fastest story readers are 9/11 victims.

They went through 87 stories in 7 seconds.

Kid 123, how's downline Orphan what? Home! 😂😂😂😂😂 Sorry.

What do you call an orphan that has a brother? The second one without one.

A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.

Why do orphans look so ugly?

Because they have a face not even a mother could love.

9/11 jokes are a bomb!

What's Japan's favorite hot sauce?

Da Bomb.

One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!

What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?

Nothing, they both fell.

Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"

No one wants him, not even the bees.