Worst Jokes Ever

My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].

Me: So tell me about it then.

My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.

Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?

My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.

Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.

My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.

Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.

My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.

Me: My bad again. Do continue.

My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.

Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?

My cousin: By the game.

Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

Because he was arrested on suspicion of murder.

What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?

There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.

What is yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of kids.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

... family photo.

Ya ever think about the twin towers plan?

Me neither. It all came crashing down.

JFK and Abraham Lincoln were terrible presidents. It's like their heads were empty.

What are the similarities between orphans and unripe strawberries?

None of them get picked.

Why can't orphans get a job?

Because they don't have a home.

The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.

This stuff is messed up, you people.

Why can't a Leicester fan pull girls? He can only do the fox trot.

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.

How many emos does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they just sit there and cry in the dark.

You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby, you gave it carpet burn.

You are so ugly, when you went to a haunted house, you came back with a job application.

Why did the panda cross the road to get to the bamboo house?

You are so fat you were able to occupy Wall Street all by yourself.

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.