Worst Jokes Ever
A "monster" that has 2 heads, 2 bodies, 6 feet, why am I not afraid of the "monster"? It's my dad riding a horse.
Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.
Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"
Who loves walnut? Wallace!
Why doesn't Newton cut trees in vanilla Minecraft? Because he wants Minecraft to be realistic!
For some reason, my mom likes to lick and suck on hotdogs. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
"You get no bitches," said the man to the 60-year-old redneck virgin guy who is obese and balding with "Trump" stuff plastered all over his pickup truck.
Why did Hitler's cookies taste bad? He forgot to clean out the oven.
A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"
An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"
The Scouser says, "Liverpool."
The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"
The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Little old lady, you don't need to yodel about it. Yodel who? Yodel who?
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
I love telling jokes about orphans. I mean, what are they going to do about it? Tell their parents?
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost 2 towers.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true.
Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.
What do depressed people do when they’re bored?
They “Hang” Out.
What did the Twin Towers say to the plane?
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
Why don't bald eagles brush their teeth? Because they don't have teeth! xD