Worst Jokes Ever

What is written on the gravestone of a TV reporter?

"You must be back at 8:00 p.m."

Are your hairline and forehead friends? Because they go way back.

Why would you make jokes about birth control?

It's a great labour-saving invention.

What's the worst thing about 9/11?

All of the stupid "Airplane" jokes.

I think I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

This is WPBS-TV. We'll pledge-break soon — thanks, viewers!

When recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.

Conversely, you can recycle a condom quite easily: just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.

In the morning, I become a cereal killer. Stepped on a corn flake.

Then there was the run-in with a pair of orphaned Rice Krispies. Snap. Crackle. No pop.

I've been taken into custody as a cereal offender and am about to be put on trial in Food Court. I fully expect them to sentence me to Life.

What do Diddy and Turkish men have in common?

They both use lots of oil.

When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.

What's a game a paraplegic kid can't play?

Hopscotch.

I went to help an amputated girl, but she didn't have a hand for me to grab.

Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.

I was looking forward to my date with this paraplegic girl, but she stood me up.

I don't joke about paraplegics; they wouldn't be able to stand up for themselves.

I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.

You're more depressing than your own abortion video.

Are those tears real or are they like you? Fake.

What do Jews and Black people have in common?

Living off welfare checks.

If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?

Why do Jews suck at mugging?

Because all they ask for is the spare change in your pockets.