Zoo jokes
My grandfather had the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the New York Zoo.
How do you open a banana? Answer with a mon-key.
Why did the cheetah always cheetah against the lion?
Because she knew the lion was always lion.
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.
What is an astronaut's favorite color? Zoo.
What did the cops do when 600 hares escaped the zoo?
The cops had to comb the area.
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
What do they feed a gorilla in Paris?
Ape Suzettes.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
Joe Biden said he was going to a petting zoo.
Trump said schools are not petting zoos.
Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.
Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?
What do you call a zoo with no dogs? A shit zoo! 😂😂😂😂😂
Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in the zoo, But don't you worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you!
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.