Zoo jokes
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
How many potatoes to feed the elephant?
Why did the rapper go to the zoo?
To find some WILD BEATS.
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
Wanted to go to the zoo, it was too packed, so I went to KFC instead. Their monkey enclosure is better anyway.
"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Yesterday, I was on a reality TV show where they locked me up with all those smelly monkeys from the Leger Zoo. It was complete madness.
One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.
And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.
And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.
How do you open a banana? Answer with a mon-key.
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
Why do you have to pay to see Russian people?
Because the zoo is not free, Duhhhhh🙄
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
If a lion ate a child, is the lion a child predator?
So, a mom and a dad are having sex. Their daughter comes down and says, "Mommy, Mommy, what are you doing?"
The mom goes, "Uh, we're making a cake. Let's go back to bed." So she tucks her daughter in and says, "We will go to the park tomorrow."
So the next day they go to the park, and two teens are going at it in some bushes, and the little girl goes, "Mommy, Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."
So they go home, and the mom tucked her into bed and says, "Tomorrow we will go to the zoo." And so the next day they go to the zoo, and two monkeys are going at it, and the girl goes, "Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."
And so they go home, and the girl goes, "Mommy, did you and Daddy make a cake last night?" And the mom nervously says, "N-no, why?" And the little girl goes, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."
Why can't you do a Math test in the zoo?
Because there are too many Cheetahs!
Why did the orphan go to the monkey exhibit?
To see his closest relatives.
RIP Harambe.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.