Zoo jokes

My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:

Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!

No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.

So, a mom and a dad are having sex. Their daughter comes down and says, "Mommy, Mommy, what are you doing?"

The mom goes, "Uh, we're making a cake. Let's go back to bed." So she tucks her daughter in and says, "We will go to the park tomorrow."

So the next day they go to the park, and two teens are going at it in some bushes, and the little girl goes, "Mommy, Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

So they go home, and the mom tucked her into bed and says, "Tomorrow we will go to the zoo." And so the next day they go to the zoo, and two monkeys are going at it, and the girl goes, "Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

And so they go home, and the girl goes, "Mommy, did you and Daddy make a cake last night?" And the mom nervously says, "N-no, why?" And the little girl goes, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

My grandfather had the heart of a lion,

and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Why do you have to pay to see Russian people?

Because the zoo is not free, Duhhhhh🙄

Wanted to go to the zoo, it was too packed, so I went to KFC instead. Their monkey enclosure is better anyway.

I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the New York Zoo.

One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.

The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”

The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”

The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”

So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.

The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”

The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”

If a lion ate a child, is the lion a child predator?

I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).

What do you call New York City?

A human zoo.

A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.

It was a shih tzu.

My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.

A guy walks into a zoo, but it only has one dog.

It's a shitzu.

There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.

Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!

Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.

What's black and doesn't work?

A filthy porch monkey at the zoo.

Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?

How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in the zoo, But don't you worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you!