Yours jokes
Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?
What's the difference between your mom and a fat female cow...
A female cow doesn't have a dick.
Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"
Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.
Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Timmy: *starts crying*
Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.
I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
What do you have your head up your a-
Just buy emo grass, then you will never have to mow your lawn again.
BULLY vs. QUIET KID
Bully: I bet your dick is as small as a Tic Tac.
Quiet Kid: That's why your mom's breath smells so good.
QUIET KID WINS
RICK: GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT OH GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKER OR IMMA SAY IT!!!!!!
Richard: What????
Rick: So before Donald Trump's impeachment, he said, "The Coronavirus will end on March 32nd 2021."
Richard: Your from planet Earth where there's a March 32nd. Enjoy it, *stupid dumb fuck brother*.
Rick: Oh I will.
*It was the day March 21st*
*9 Days later*
*March 31st*
Rick: oh I cant wait until tomorrow!!!!!!!!!! Ooh im so excited im gonna give my friends a big ole bro hug and hand shake i miss the muhfuckin dudes man
*one day later*
*He got his school uniform waiting for the bus not seeing it*
Rick:....... wai......Huh!?!?...... hol....up
BITCH IM AND IDIOT THERE IS NO MOTHERFUCKING MARCH 32ND THIS IS THE MOTHERFUCKING 1ST OF APRIL TRUMP DUMBASS
*Richard*
*oh he's the dumbass*
A knife is like hallucinations, both in your head.
You know, that I see my sister at home from school. She says everyone bullies me. I say, "Because you're a fat a**."
Why have sex when you can perv on your neighbor's grandma!
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
You're walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18. You call the manager to have them removed, but no one came down.
Later that night, you see the 2 18-year-olds, 1 was a girl and the other was a boy, so you call the manager down. No one came again. You confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. You are knocked out on the floor. When you wake up, there is a hard feeling in your a**. You turn your head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap-on in your a** going full on hard.
Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.
911 what's your emergency?
"Burning in toaster."
"Toast?"
"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"
"Set fire to my forest!"
Dad: Johnny, Johnny?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Getting women?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Telling lies?
Johnny: No, Papa.
Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!
Your mom is so fat that she thought Eminem is a candy.
Your mama's breath smells so bad, people can't wait for her to fart.
Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.
You're so skinny, death mistook you for dead.