Yours jokes
Boy: “My heart MELTS for you.”
Girl: “OMG, are you okay?!?!”
Boy: “Yeah, why?”
Girl: “Because if your heart is melting, then you are NOT okay.”
You're so poor that homeless people feel sorry for you.
You're so fake, Barbie was jealous of you!
Mummy, how was I born?
Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."
Your Mom's Favorite Book, Chapter 1: How To Cook.
When your little brother knocks your two Jenga towers you made with his toy airplane,
You: "Hey, stop trying to recreate the Twin Towers!"
Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.
A teacher wanted to sing, so she did. This is what she said:
"You have no family, even though you're broker than me."
"Remember, switching to your pistol is always faster than reloading."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
Your hairline is so expired, it’s more expired than your milk!
Your hairline is so curved that McDonald's hired you to be their "M."
Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."
Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."
Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."
Teacher: "*stands up*"
Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."
"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a great thing to say to someone; horrible way to find out you're adopted.
Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.
As we speak now, someone is making arrangements for December with your girlfriend.
I like to make your mom jokes.
Because they're easy like your mom.
Your disabled joke on you can't stand.
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
No wonder why I can't find you. You're in the trash bin.