Yours jokes

When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)

Your mom is so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Little Johnny was staying at his grandparents' house, and he asked his grandpa, "Can I have a cigarette?" His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "No." "Then that's your answer." A little bit later, Little Johnny asked for a beer. His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "I already said no." "Well, that's your answer." Later, he was complaining to his grandma, and she gave him cookies. His grandpa came up to him and said, "Can I have a cookie?" Little Johnny said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" His grandpa said, "Well, yes, it can." And Little Johnny said, "Well, go fuck yourself, old man, because these are my cookies."

Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."

Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"

When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.

Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."

What sexual position produces the ugliest kids? Ask your mum!

What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.

Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."

Why did the little girl cry twice?

Because you wiped your bloody shitty cock on her favorite teddy bear.

What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?

You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"

A father of a young girl comes to meet the doctor.

Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?

Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.

Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried!

Jeffy: "Daddy, Daddy, a monster said it’s gonna poop in your hat!"

Marvin: "I don’t believe that."

Jeffy: "But he said, 'Jeffy, I’m gonna poop in your Daddy’s hat!'"

The next morning,

Jeffy: "Daddy, a monster pooped in your hat!"

*Marvin/Mario looks in his hat*

Marvin: "Jeffy, I don’t believe you, you pooped in my hat!"

So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."

Are you beef?

Because you're Carlos-Asada.

When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.

What is Chuck Norris' favorite Sonic song?

"Open Your Heart."

What does a Hufflepuff wolf say? “I will huffle and puff, and blow your house down!”

That is related to Harry Potter 🧙🏼‍♂️.

You're gay.

Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."

Wait, this is the category "dick." Sorry yours isn't long for yo mama to get fucked up.