Yours jokes

My mother didn't want me to love my sister. That made me angry. But then, one day I found this quote: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Since that day, I fuck my sister hard and my MOM harder!

Nah! You're so poor, you can't afford free stuff!

So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.

Mother: How is my little cookie doing?

Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.

Mother: Really?

Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.

Mother: 😁♥️🍪

I have more cum in one testicle than you have in your whole penis.

So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"

The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".

Like this comment if: - Your mom is sus - Your mum is sus

Dislike if: - You are horny.

Interviewer: What are your strengths?

Interviewee: I fall in love easily.

Interviewer: And your weaknesses?

Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...

The average Irish person consumes 131.1 litres of beer, almost as much as your mum at night.

I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."

A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him, "Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it.

The genie says, "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guy says, "Well, I've always wanted to drive out to the Hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says, "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says, "Well, I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could, but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women." The genie thinks for a few moments and says, "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"

What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

Your hairline is so far back it looks like it got smacked up by Will Smith.

Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."

When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"

You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.

Your forehead is so big it gets home before you do.

A priest walked in and said to the kids,

"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"

How do you know you’re ugly?

If you always get handed the camera for group photos.

When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...