Yours jokes

What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?

"Does this come with anything?"

How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.

Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?

A: Cum on your cousin's face.

Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?

Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!

Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.

Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.

Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!

When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."

Your mum stinks of disabled people.

Wanna know why?

I don't know either, you tell me.

Your hairline is so far back your dad had to go find it for you.

Your hairline be going up and down like a Formula 1 car!

Don't you feel an empty feeling...

IN YOUR SKULL!

"You're really hot, I wanna hit on you like the plane hit the Twin Towers."

Your face is horrific like the state of the Twin Towers.

Is it sexual harassment if a midget walks by you and tells you that your hair smells nice?

Your hairline goes further back than your mum's divorce.

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.

Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.

What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?

At least the mountain has two hills.

Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.

What did the orphan say to its parents?

"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"

They people: "No."