Yours jokes

Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.

Suck your mum's bum.

When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."

EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?" Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."

Everything is now so expensive in Africa that witches don’t serve food in dreams again. Am I lying? Okay, when last did you eat in your dreams?

Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.

What's the difference between a boomerang and your dad?

Boomerangs come back.

Your Mom is so fat, she could be Trump's border wall.

A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

Sister, you're ugly.

Other sister: I'm not your reflection.

PS. Sorry if it is not funny.

Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

Friend: What kind?

Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

Friend: That's not funny..

Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

Friend: I'm calling your mom.

Me: She knows.

Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

Me: She's supposed to help?

Friend: Have you told your dad?

Me: I will when he comes back.

Friend: Where is he?

Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

Friend: ....

Me: What?

Friend: Why?

Me: Why what?

Friend: Why would you joke like that?

Me: I was joking..

Friend: I know.

Me: Oh. I didn't know.

Friend:...

Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...

Your mom saw Uranus and never was the same in HD. :)

"Deznuts up your ass."

So you're offended by midget jokes? C'mon, grow up!

Yo mama so fat, when you married your sister, she was big enough to sit on the groom's side and the bride's side.

Parent: Have you seen your sister?

Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.

What did Jim say to Jeff? "I killed your ham."

Doc: Can I help you?

Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.

Doc: When did it begin?

Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).

Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...

Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.

Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?

Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.

Coworker, why is Sara so blue?

Is it because Sara wishes she had a man? coworker she always watches you with your husband together out of love. You better watch out dear, she might "saraorize" him, with her crooked teeth and ultra-thin lips.

You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.