Yours jokes

You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.

You were supposed to be born in the tree.

The sticks were your siblings.

What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?

A toothbrush.

Bro, your hairline is still missing. Even Dora the Explorer can't discover it!

Your forehead is so big someone thought it was a billboard.

Me: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?

Me: Your parents.

What do you do if your online friend wants to commit suicide? You can't do anything, he's already on line.

Your mom! Oh wait, you don't have one.

So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"

So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."

Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?

You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."

Your entire family tree must be a cactus, because everyone in your family is such a prick.

You're gay.

Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.

How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?

Open a pizza shop 🍕

Roses are red, violets are blue, Pornhub is down, your mum's Facebook will do.

Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?

And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?

When you step on the weighing scale, it shows your phone number!

"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."

"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"

"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."

Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.

You're so skinny, you use chapstick as deodorant.