You're jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your mom isn't here because she doesn't love you.

You're so ugly the whole world faked a virus just so you could wear a mask.

Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?

What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?

You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.

What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.

A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."

"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.

The boy answered, "It's Michelle."

My friend: "Yo, stupid."

Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"

My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."

Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."

I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.

We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.

Then, she asked me flirtatiously,

"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet."

She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,

"Mom, are you still awake?"

Your forehead is so large, if I drew an H on it, maybe Kobe could've landed.

Best friend: Dude, your sister is hot, I'd hit that.

Me: Already did. SWEET HOME ALABAMA

Do your buses run on time?

No, they run on diesel.

I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"

Do you know Putin?

Put in these balls in your mouth.

We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...

Unless you're being raped by a clown.

The lice in your head are starting to concern over deforestation.

What's worse than depression & suicide?

Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.

Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?

So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.

"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"

"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"

And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:

"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"

Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"

When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.

When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life

That awkward moment you try to relate to Batman by killing your parents.