You're jokes
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.
Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.
It works, my brother has never slept better
What do the Twin Towers and your siblings have in common?
Once they turn 18, they never come back.
You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.
Me: Truth or dare?
Crush: Dare.
Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.
Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.
Me: Ok, what is your phone number?
Your forehead got a restraining order from your hairline.
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
Man, your hairline is so bad it started from the beginning of the month to the end!
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
You look too old to be living with your grandma.
In a Kahoot, and you're the Twin Tower terrorist: terrorist kill streak 2,996.
I want your weight, not your phone number.
Tyler is ugly.
If you are called Tyler, change your name.
Mom, where are we going?
To your grandma's funeral.
Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.
You should always wash your sex toys. That’s why priests invented baptism.