You're jokes

Your hairline is so long they mistake your forehead for a football field.

Your mom is so fat that when she went to the dentist, the man said, "One at a time."

Friend 1: Did you?

Depressed friend 2: I didn't!

Friend one: Swear on your life!

Depressed friend 2: I swear.

A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.

Your hairline goes so far back that Crown Burger was Crown Sandwiches.

Your hairline is so far back, even Shaggy and Scooby ran away!

What do you do when your man doesn't like fruit jokes?

Let the mango.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.

Kid: Which were me, are your parents?

Orphan: What are parents?

I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.

But I can break yours today, hopefully.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your wife needs Jon Grudon, too.

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.

Roses are red, Violets are fine. Why is your life So much better than mine?

How is a marriage like a hurricane?

In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.

Police officers hope you’re a criminal.

Doctors hope you get sick.

Mechanics hope you get car troubles.

But only thieves wish you prosperity.

Weird?

What's the difference between three cocks and a joke?

Your mom can't take a joke.

I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"