You're jokes

What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

Your hairline is so big, I couldn't find the area of it on Jupiter.

Your hairline is so ugly, it’s receding from your face to never see you.

You're so bald that Disney uses your head for movie scripts.

Your mama is so nasty.

She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.

If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.

You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.

How can you tell your best friend is gay?

His meat tastes like shit.

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

911 help. Hello?

Never mind, forget it. You're so stupid 😡😡😡😡😏

What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.

What did your mom say last night? "Go harder!"

Your mom: Your plate is full, that's enough food on your plate.

Me: My plate is not full, I still see the white of the plate.

When you're from Arkansas, you know! Door!

Be grateful:

You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.

Chuck: Do you have holes in your underpants?

Teacher: No, of course not.

Chuck: Then how do you get your feet through?

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!

I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag. OK, I’m joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.