You're jokes
How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?
Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.
Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.
Did you get seafood without me?
Why don't orphans like getting lost?
Because if people find them, they ask, "Where are your parents?"
You will find Taylor Swift on the streets before you find your hairline.
Your forehead's so big, NASA uses it to test satellite signals.
How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
Either way, they’ll kill your dog.
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.
What did the rapper say to his broken pencil?
"You're just not SHARP enough for my lyrics!"
They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
Your hairline's so ugly, it turned Medusa to stone!
Bro, go work at McDonald's. Your hairline inspired their logo!
"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."