You jokes
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
What do you call two Mexicans fighting? Juan on Juan.
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a sea-saw.
What's worse than depression & suicide?
Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.
Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?
You know what me and my spine both have in common? We are both not straight.
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using the computer?
There is sperm on the computer screen.
I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.
What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
Why are babies called bundles of joy?
When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.
What do you call a group of chubby trans-genders?
Trans-fats.
People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?
Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."
Me: "Why did you?"
Mom: "I was very drunk..."
Explains a lot...
That awkward moment you try to relate to Batman by killing your parents.
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
Why do feminists eat so much pussy?
To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.
Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
Q: What do you call an orphan's family tree?
A: A stump.
I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”