When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.
You Jokes
Quiet kid: "I'm home!"
Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"
Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"
I was thinking about you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide Squad!
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
No?
They both got six months.
What do you call a sophisticated American?
A Canadian.
A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."
The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your mom isn't here because she doesn't love you.
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.
You're so ugly the whole world faked a virus just so you could wear a mask.
The depressed kid getting bullied.
The bully: "You are useless."
The depressed kid: "I know."
My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said, "Why did you call me a female?"
Have you walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
Oh, neither did he.
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.
A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮
B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛
