You jokes
Why do you not play with a cheetah? Because they cheat!
Roses are red, violets are blue, but at least a dumptruck isn't as ugly as you.
Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!
Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?
Dad: Sure, Alex!
Dad: We're here!
Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!
Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"
That's a horrible thing to find out when you're adopted.
I thought it stood for microsoft
This is not a joke, Tom. I'm asking you to leave me alone, stop being sexual, I don't like you.
What do you call an idiot?
An absolute imbecile.
Are you free tomorrow?
No, I’m expensive, sorry. 💵💸
What do you call a squad of emo kids?
Suicide Squad.
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family portrait.
Your hairline [is] so bad even your mama left you.
How do you cause an African parade?
You just carry a water bottle around and hold it up!
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
You're so goddamn stupid, you thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
Mummy, how was I born?
Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."
My love for you is like poop.
Whenever I feel you, I have to run to the toilet and flush you away.
How do you beat Hellen Keller in musical chairs?
You move the chairs.
How do you fit 3 gay men on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
The water in the shower evaporates before it reaches you.