You jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Anything you want; it won't chase you.
Do you know Putin?
Put in these balls in your mouth.
Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"
Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"
Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.
What do you call a bunch of sheep rolling down the hill?
A. A lamb slide.
I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.
Anyone remember the following?
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving more than once.
You wanna see a joke? Look in a mirror.
Becky: Rob, you're so stupid! Anything that you say is stupid!
Rob: .....BECKY :3
Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
You know how 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8 9? Well, 10 is afraid because he was in the middle of 9/11.
What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?
A milkshake.
Why do Jedis stay single?
Because they use "divorce" (the Force).
May divorce be with you!
What do you tell a female with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
What do you call a man with a Johnny on his nose? Fuck nose.
Have you ever heard of a dream that that that that the universe was a fake machine?
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.