You jokes
What do you call a baby in the shower? A baby in the shower.
How do you turn a hairy man into a feminist?
Just take out his brain and there you go!
There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
I "onerie," or however you spell it, I like to replace all romance or similar memes with duck memes. Just comment duck memes there and change Valentine's Day to Duck Day. Also, for the joke:
Why did the duck walk up to the lemonade stand?
Because he wanted grapes.
What do you call a kid hanging? An emo kid!
What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?
Adolf Hit Her.
Why do you call a fat midget?
Jiggly Puff.
What do you call a Lesbian at a Barbecue? A LGBBQ.
Why couldn't your mom make you dinner? Because she's dead!
What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?
You don’t need consent.
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
What did the bus driver say to the nut 🥜?
"Where do you live?"
A girl goes to a Church to confess.
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
(after a few minutes)
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"
What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.
You have to tell this to a friend:
There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10
Me: "I came home laughing."
Parents: "What's wrong?"
Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."
Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"
Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."
Parents: "What is it?"
Me: "Who farted?"
What is the difference between a redhead and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist!