You jokes

Warning! Cringe Alert!

What happens when you leave your phone at jail?

It becomes a cell phone.

"Fuck you, do something about it!"

How do you beat Hellen Keller in musical chairs?

You move the chairs.

I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.

Roses are red, violets are blue. You belong in a zoo, but don't worry, I'll be there too. Just not in a cage, I'll be laughing at you.

When your little brother knocks your two Jenga towers you made with his toy airplane,

You: "Hey, stop trying to recreate the Twin Towers!"

How do you fit 3 gay men on a bar stool?

Flip it upside down.

The water in the shower evaporates before it reaches you.

How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?

You're so much like a marshmallow, you're so squishy and sticky, and everyone puts their sticks inside of you.

The moment when you throw the nut away and try to eat the shell.

What do you call a sharpened pencil? You call a sharpened pencil a sharpened pencil.

I would give you a thrashing, but that would be animal abuse.

My mom went to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.

What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?

... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.

POV: you

When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.

Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?

Myla: I went to a restaurant.

Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?

Timmy: I went to a concert.

Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?

Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.

How do you call an American bee?

USB.